Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Gun and Knife Show Goes Off Without a Hitch
Hi folks, I can't believe I'm writing two "good news" articles in a row, but that just proves my pappy's old saying: "Things can get really weird."
The good news Du Jour (that means "of the day") is that Troutown's bi-weekly Gun and Knife Show, held as always down at the armory, was a great success. Weapon fans both young and old came out to try the latest wares, from cute little pocket knives to 8 inch serrated pieces that would cut through a tailpipe like a chainsaw through balsam. From adorable little Saturday Night Specials to high powered army surplus rocket launchers, fun was lurking around every corner. 
We all got a kick out of little Lindsey Sue when she pointed that Russian machine gun at her daddy and said "Stick 'em up you commie bastard!" Ah, they grow up so fast these days.
Unfortunately there were several minor injuries, as usual. Both mascots in attendance (the Troutown Whale Shark and Angler Jim's H.R. Puff-N-Stuff) were shived by some rambunctious youngster, causing large holes in the fabric. The little dickens has yet to be identified, but I'm sure his parents will reprimand him accordingly, as well as return the knives and other assorted arms he made off with.
But on the upside, sales were through the roof! Literally. Ol' Ned purchased a rocket launcher, and later while waiting for his wife, he had one of his sleepwalking spells during which he shot a rocket through the armory roof. But don't worry, no one was seriously hurt -- Ol' Ned managed to shoot the rocket right through the open skylight! The ruckus did manage to startle Millie Worchel, costume designer of the Troutown Players Theatre Company. She was called in to (once again) fix the H.R. Puff-N-Stuff outfit, as well as the Troutown Whale Shark (thank you again Millie!). She jumped about two feet while sewing up H.R. Puff-N-Stuff, which caused an even larger hole than she started with. Luckily her mending skills were up to the task, and everything looked great once she finished the job.
Another bit of good news -- the errant rocket is believed to be what put Stumpville's Ferris wheel out of commission! It serves them Stumpvillians right, always gloating about how they can see the whole Tri-County area from the top of the wheel. And for god's sake, when they finished the Ferris wheel, they changed the Stumpville town crest to read "Like Icarus flying too close the sun, so do Stumpvillians kiss the sky and return to earth, reuniting with humanity." How pretentious! We in Troutown prefer to remain simple and true. Just give us our guns and knives, some armor piercing bullets, and sure, a rocket launcher here and there, and that's enough. God bless America.
