Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Santa's Village Opens For Business!!
Hi folks! Sorry I haven't been able to write any articles for a while. I've been so busy with the holiday season, and also my roof caved in due to the ice storm. Ol' Ned was nice enough to help me patch it up. Ned, if you're reading, sorry again for nailing your thumb to that shingle. Hopefully the spiced rum we had afterwards took away some of the pain.
Another reason I couldn't write anything is that some ne'er-do-well broke into the Stumpville library (where I write all my articles) and stole the computers. Merry Christmas! It took a while for Stumpville to pass a millage that would allow them to buy new (used) ones, but thank god they did. Pretty good ones too! Not as nice as the previous models, but these Compaqs should do the trick. They're a bit slower at x386, but who am I to complain?
Anyway, back to the holidays. I'd like to spread some good cheer by reminding everyone that the old civic center parking lot is once again being turned into Santa's Village for the holidays. As usual, they have great rides, amazing decorations, and just lots of good wholesome fun. I want to emphasize "wholesome", because unlike last year, the city is now doing background checks on all Santas working in the village. On behalf of the city, I would like to apologize again to little Timmy. He was a real sport to not file a lawsuit. With any luck, we'll get enough revenue from the admissions to also do background checks on the Elves, although they hardly seem as dangerous. I don't think a single one of 'em is over 5 feet tall. Some have mentioned the potential risk of the pointy shoes, but that's neither here nor there.
Other improvements over last year include a real pine tree, working lights, and food for the reindeer.
Also, we changed the name from Santas Village (plural with no apostrophe) to Santa's Village (singular with apostrophe). Although there is technically more than one person in a Santa suit in the village (even Santas have to take a smoke break!), there is only supposed to be ONE Santa, if you get my drift. Let's not ruin it for the kids who still believe!
Finally, the city has also tried to remove all exposed nails and wiring, but "no guarantees" says the mayor.
So come one, come all to Santa's Village! Have a fun day, and don't forget to take your picture with one of the Santas!
